


Enough

by escaped_reality



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Alex Danvers Ships It, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Lena is a mess, Mon-El is only mentioned, alex is the best
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 21:20:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18170009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escaped_reality/pseuds/escaped_reality
Summary: “She is happy, I won’t get in the way of that.”“And if she's not happy?”“What do you want from me?” Lena snapped. She straightened her spine and narrowed her eyes at Alex. In that moment, the agent saw every bit the ruthless Luthor that Lena was desperately trying to escape from.“I want you to be happy,” Alex answered, sincerely.Lena deflated. “I am.” She used every ounce of effort to put a smile on her face, but she knew Alex saw right through it.ORAfter Mon-el returns from the future, distance grows between Kara and Lena. They haven't spoken to each other in months. After another assassination attempt, Alex finds Lena and hopes to talk some sense into her before it is too late.





	Enough

Lena sighed as the cold liquid burned her throat. She studied the amber whiskey circling in her glass, simply mesmerized. She wondered how many drinks it would take to completely forget Kara Danvers just for a little while. Not enough alcohol in the world, she thought, sourly. 

She usually didn’t do this, spend all of her nights drinking. Today was a special day though. Today she saw her in person for the first time in months. Lena shouldn’t have been surprised, she knew that she would see her eventually. Her quarterly assassination attempt was bound to come up eventually. She just didn’t think it would hurt so much. It was like no time had passed, all of her feelings came rushing back in an instant. Lena was the same fool in love that she had always been. Lena and Kara. Lena and Supergirl. Of course, she had always known her secret. Today, one look was all it took for everything to come flooding back. Lena thought she was moving on, but the evidence would suggest otherwise. This was the first time she had seen Supergirl in weeks outside of her television screen and for her alter ego, well, she hasn’t seen the reporter in months. 

She cursed herself as memories of that night flashed through her mind. One night was all it took to give her everything she had ever wanted and one night was all it took to take it all away. That’s the night everything changed. Lena had felt rejected then. Not enough. Never enough. Kara would never want her, not after all the evil her family had done. She had to face it, no matter how much good she put into the world, no matter how much she loved Kara, she would never feel the same. 

She sighed to herself, maybe it was better this way. Kara was better off without her anyways. 

Lena groaned to herself as she heard a commotion from outside the office, she knew it could only be one person. 

The door opened and in walked Alex Danvers. 

“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you,” Alex sighed in relief when she saw the brunette. 

Lena spread her arms wide and gestured to herself with a lopsided smile, “well, you got me,” she giggled. She looked behind Alex and waved to her secretary, who gave her a disappointed look. “Jess, you can head on home. ‘Agent Stick-Up-Her-Ass’ can look after me.” 

Alex rolled her eyes. “Yeah, thanks Jess,” she remarked and slammed the door. 

“Wow, very rude,” Lena playfully scolded with her pointer finger, before leaning back in her seat. 

The redhead raised her eyebrows at the uncharacteristic behavior radiating from the brunette, casting her gaze to the half empty decanter of whiskey in front of her. “You’re drunk,” Alex stated unimpressed. 

“Your powers of observation are just astounding,” Lena chuckled bitterly as she took another swig from her drink. She didn’t have time for whatever this was. She reached for the decanter once more before it was ripped unceremoniously out of her hands. She rolled her eyes and sighed. 

“Cut the shit, Lena. I have let you wallow in self pity long enough.” The agent moved to the bar to pour a glass of water, “What is going on with you?” 

“Why do you care?” Lena asked, sharply. 

“Because I’m your friend,” Alex returned slamming the glass down in front of her. She was angry that their friendship was being called into question. 

Lena’s eyes snapped to Alex immediately, surprised by how quick and sure she sounded with her answer. She knew that she and Alex were getting closer, but she didn’t know the redhead had considered them friends. Lena resolved to quit the cold attitude and she motioned for Alex to take the seat next to her. 

“Drink,” Alex said, holding the glass up to Lena. 

“I’m not a baby,” Lena grumbled. She took the glass and did exactly as Alex asked.

“Then stop acting like one. What is going on with you?” Alex asked, softly. She hated seeing Lena like this. She had been there and without Kara, Lena and Sam she still would be. She would not sit idly by and let her friend suffer like this, not if she could help it. 

Lena was silent for a moment before answering. “Would you believe me if I told you I didn’t know?”

“No,” Alex stated. “You know why?”

Lena looked at her curiously, so Alex took that as a sign to continue. 

“Well firstly, you have been distant from everyone for a few months.”

Lena diverted her eyes away, “and secondly?”

“My sister has been suspiciously upset for a few months as well, I’m assuming you might know something about that?”

Lena’s head popped up and she stared at Alex for a long moment before sighing, “I’m surprised she even noticed I was gone.” 

Alex groaned. “Seriously, the headaches that you two give me are ridiculous.”

Lena got up from her spot on the couch, a little wobbly on her feet, but after a steadying hand from Alex she was able to right herself and make her way to the balcony. She looked to the sky and took a deep breath as if the questions Alex was asking her were stifling her ability to breath. The night sky always had a way of making her feel so small, so insignificant. Sometimes those feelings were a comfort. 

She heard Alex step up next to her, but she refused to look. The minutes passed by and Alex refused to look away. Lena knew she was being studied, pitied. She hated it. 

“You’ve got to stop,” Lena remarked tiredly. 

“Stop what?” Alex asked, confused. 

“Looking at me like that!” Lena exclaimed, angrily. 

“How am I looking at you?”

Lena finally turned to Alex. “Like I’m about to break at any second.” She sighed. “This whole situation is difficult, but I’m trying to keep it together. You looking at me with pity isn’t helping me! It’s making it ten times worse so just stop.” Lena begged. “Please.”

“I’m sorry, Lena.” Alex whispered as she placed a hand on Lena’s arm. “I’m just concerned.”

Lena huffed and looked away. “Well don’t be. I’m fine.”

Alex smiled. Lena always tried to be strong even when she didn’t have to be.

They were silent for a long moment before Lena began. “I’ve spent my whole life trying to be good. I got good grades. I tried to cure cancer. I testified against my brother. I have done whatever I could in life to do the right thing, I never looked for some sort of repayment. I just,” Lena sighed. “I thought eventually something good would happen, or you know, when I have feelings for someone they would at least sort of return them. I feel like I will never stop getting punished by association.” She looked over at Alex and gave her a hopeful smile, “Something has to give eventually, right? I will be happy someday?”

Alex’s heart broke for her. She wrapped an arm around Lena, resting her head gently against the other woman’s. Lena was stiff at first, unused to such close contact with other people, but after a few moments she relaxed, so Alex continued. “I have no doubt, if anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.”

“Yeah, well, I wish everyone felt that way,” Lena whispered bitterly. 

“Have you thought about telling her?” Alex said, feeling Lena stiffen in her arms. She figured she might as well just finish her thought now that it was out there. “My sister, I mean.” 

She watched as Lena’s face pinked, an odd sight for a woman who always played her emotions so close to her chest. She regretted the question immediately when she saw Lena’s walls quickly rise. Before she was shut out completely Alex tried again, “I only mean it is clear you both share something special. I see the way you look at each other.”

“She’s with him. She made her choice,” was all Lena chose to say as she looked away from her. Of course she thought about telling Kara, sometimes it was all she could think about. However, it was too late. She was too late. Kara was with him now and the last thing Lena wanted to do was mess that up. If Kara felt even an ounce of what Lena did, she wouldn't have gone back to him. It was that simple. 

“Did she know you were an option?” Alex asked hesitantly. 

Lena was quiet for a moment before she swallowed. She had never spoken of this to anyone besides Sam and even then she kept it brief. “Sort of.” 

Alex leaned closer. “Sort of? What does that mean?” 

“There was a moment,” she paused, “months ago. It was a few months after he left, I-I asked her to dinner, spent all this time setting it up and had flowers and I mean I thought it was this big date and well,” Lena diverted her eyes in embarrassment, she wasn’t used to being so vulnerable. “After dinner we were walking home and she said she was so glad she had a best friend like me.” She returned her eyes to Alex and smiled sadly as she noticed the other woman trying to hide a grimace. She struggled over the lump in her throat, forcing herself to continue. “I didn’t have the courage to clarify. I have never gone from feeling so excited to so defeated. I just felt so close to everything I had ever wanted only to have it snatched away. After that night, it’s just never been the same. I felt so rejected so I was a little distant, she never reached out and I guess we just eventually stopped communicating, until eventually there was nothing left.”

“Maybe she didn’t know?” Alex pushed. She was sure Kara would have told her about this. She was hoping there was some other explanation for Lena’s heartbreak. Kara wasn’t the type of person who would lead someone on, especially if it was a date with her best friend. 

The brunette could only chuckle bitterly, “Believe me, I’ve thought of that. I mean we both know she could be oblivious” She paused and placed her hands gently over her stomach as if she was trying to physically hold herself together. “By the time I worked up the courage to ask and just confess everything I was feeling, he was back and they were back.” 

“And then you distanced yourself,” Alex said matter-of-factly. She knew what happened next. 

Lena finally let a silent tear fall and once it did, there was no stopping the others from following. “All I ever wanted was for her to be happy, but seeing her happy with him,” she wiped furiously at her tears, “it destroyed me. I wanted so desperately to be the cause of that happiness. I had to leave. It was for the best. Every time I saw them together it was like a knife through my chest.” 

Alex’s heart ached for her as she watched Lena try and convince herself she made the right decision. “Lena,” she gripped her hand firmly in support, “you don’t have to explain yourself to me. Sometimes you have to do what is best for you. Trust me, I know.” 

“I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her.” Lena let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. “Then I saw her earlier and everything came rushing back.”

“You love her.” Alex stated, it wasn’t a question. 

“My love for Kara hasn’t stopped growing since the moment she took a chance on me. How am I supposed to move on, Alex? All I can think about is her. It’s like I can’t breathe without her. Everything I do is just consumed by her. It’s suffocating.” 

Alex’s eyes were filled with empathy as she looked at her friend. She wanted to reach out in comfort, but she didn’t know if the younger woman would accept it. She remembered her breakup with Maggie, how consumed she was by everything she lost, everything Maggie was, everything they had been. She knew at least a little of what Lena was going through and she knew she didn’t want her to go through it alone. At least I had a chance to be with Maggie, Alex thought to herself, at least I got to experience everything that we could have been together. 

“Maybe if you told her-,” she tried to convince Lena, but the raised hand and shake of the brunette’s head stopped her mid-sentence. 

“She is happy, I won’t get in the way of that.”

“And if she’s not happy?” 

“What do you want from me?” Lena snapped. She straightened her spine and narrowed her eyes at Alex. In that moment, the agent saw every bit the ruthless Luthor that Lena was desperately trying to escape from. 

“I want you to be happy,” Alex answered, sincerely. 

Lena deflated. “I am.” She used every ounce of effort to put a smile on her face, but she knew Alex saw right through it. Lena huffed before raising her face to look at her. “I’ve spent my whole life loving people who leave. I tried to tell her once. I can’t stomach the thought of doing it all over again, especially now that he’s back. It’s just one more reason for her to reject me.” 

The redhead studied her for a long moment before tentatively asking, “what if she feels the same way?” 

She chuckled darkly. “Do you think this is easy for me? Do you think it is easy watching that complete asshole get everything I have ever wanted?” Lena asked, voice growing louder with each question. “She doesn’t want me. How many more different ways do I have to tell you for you to understand that.” Her voice cracked on the last word and she quickly rose a shaky hand to cover her mouth, ashamed at showing such weakness. 

Alex remained silent, watching as Lena fought the tears springing to her eyes. Her heart ached for Lena, struggling to find some way to make this better. She desperately wracked her brain for anything to say to make this better, but she knew from her own experience that one of the only things that truly helps is time. Her eyes pleaded for Lena to understand that. 

“I am fine alone. I’ve done it before and I can do it again.”

She turned around to collect herself, wiping furiously at the tears she let slip when she locked eyes with the last person she wanted to see. There Kara stood a few feet away from them, confusion laced her features as hot tears streamed down her face.

“Kara,” Lena whispered, shocked. Alex’s eyes widened upon hearing Lena and she whipped around to face her sister. 

All three women stood there wide-eyed as the seconds ticked by, no one knowing what to say. 

Thankfully, Alex was the first one to speak. “H-How long have you been standing there?”

**Author's Note:**

> Hoping to get Part 2 posted by the end of the week! Let me know what you think in the comments(:


End file.
